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[Dong Bang Shin Ki] Body Hair [ONESHOT] - Eve of Our Destruction
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kai_yukashi
kai_yukashi
[Dong Bang Shin Ki] Body Hair [ONESHOT]
Title: Body Hair
Author: kai_yukashi
Length: Oneshot
Rating: R
Genre: crack, romance, comedy
Pairing: Jaeho, Yoosu
Summary:  Jaejoong wants more armpit hair, and Junsu just want some body hair, period.

Note: uh, pure crack that wouldn't leave my head.  Forgive me.  .___.

 

It was not a secret that Kim Jaejoong really want more armpit hair. It wasn't as ridiculous as a fetish or anything; Jaejoong was eccentric but he wasn't that weird. It was just, when he look at Yunho or Yoochun, he just get really jealous. Having a nice tuft of armpit hair is just so...manly. Because everyone knew that only girls have clean and smooth armpits because they shave or wax under their arms; men, on the other hand, are supposed to have armpit hair, nevermind how itchy and gross it gets during the summer. It was like an unwritten rule that armpit hair, more than muscles, defines a man's masculinity.

So yes, Kim Jaejoong really want more armpit hair. Just a little more would be fine, instead of this soft pale fuzz that refused to grow more than a few thousandths of a millimeter every two years. Honestly speaking, he was rather glad it was there at all. As long as he remembered, he was one of those people who just seemed to lack any body hair. When he was younger and living with his sisters, he thought it was normal. After meeting Shim Changmin, he realized that he was definitely not normal, although technically neither was Changmin who seemed to have too much body hair.

In any case, point is, Jaejoong want more armpit hair.

However, there generally aren't any product to grow one's armpit hair. Totally unheard of.

One day, Jaejoong was surfing the Internet and came across a fan spamming the Personal thread of a forum that was dedicated to him. She was complaining about how she shave her arms and armpit every day, but it still grew so quickly. The reply was what caught Jaejoong's attention:


I<3Jaaaeeejooooooogieeee posted:

Aah, I tried that too, but it doesn't work well! You should just wax your arm and armpits, it stays clear longer. Thing is, I think the more you shave, the faster your hair grows, not to mention the coarser it guess, so if you just leave it for two days, it'll grow like two centimeters, and it's really thick hair too. x____x it was really gross when I-


-at which point Jaejoong decided to stop reading because he honestly didn't need to know about how one of his fans couldn't shave for x-number of days.

It can grow faster!

Jaejoong was filled with a burst of joy.

Maybe now Yunho will let him top!

Immediately Jaejoong gathered his bathing stuff and locked himself in the bathroom. The shaving didn't take longer than a few minutes, but he stayed in there for a good hour or so. He spent the first thirty minutes lamenting over the sacrifice he'll have to do. The last thirty was spent shaving whatever other body hair he has (except for the area between his legs, he was not stupid enough to put anything that sharp near Lil' Boo!), because the way he saw it, having more body hair as a result is a big plus!

When more hair did not immediately come back on his body, he shrugged and promptly forgot about the entire episode.

That night Kim Jaejoong slipped under the sheets of the bed he shared with Yunho like every other night, although it was agreed on already for that night, they would just sleep. Unlike the other members who had the entire day off for rest, Yunho had to spend the entire time with the Manager-hyung, Stylist-noona, and Choreographer-hyung to discuss the concept and choreography of their next single. Jaejoong would've been jealous of their Manager-hyung, Stylist-noona, and Choreographer-hyung for being able to spend the day with his love, if he didn't know exactly what they were doing.

In any case, point is, Yunho was pooped, and no smexing was to happen that night.

Or at least that was the plan.

The minute Jaejoong slipped under the soft sheets next to his tanktop-wearing lover, bare skin sliding over bare skin, Yunho froze.

"Jaejoong..."

"Hmm?"

"What did you do?"

"Uh, what?"

"You're..."

Jaejoong felt Yunho shift next to him, and heard an audible gulp from the bigger man. Jaejoong shifted too to lie on his side, sliding an arm across Yunho's chest, and hiked a bare leg up to Yunho's hip. It was his favorite sleeping position involving the cuddling of his personal "Yunho-bear."

"Yunho, what's wrong?" he asked, confused and just a little concerned.

Yunho was staring at him with wide eyes. Jaejoong felt a hand slide up his leg, and he shivered.

"Oh Jesus Christ Superstar!"

Jaejoong blinked. "Where you watching that godawful Goong drama again?" he asked suspiciously.

Suddenly, without warning, Yunho rose up and threw off the covers. He looked down at the usual tanktop and boxers Jaejoong wears to bed. His jaws dropped open. His eyes bulged.

"OMFG#$%^&*!!!!!"

"Yunho!" Jaejoong gaped at the explicative coming out of the mouth of the normally reserved and responsible leader.

"Y-you, you're," Yunho babbled, still not taking his eyes away from his BooJae. "Gaaaah," he finally mumbled, something that looked suspiciously like drool sliding out the corner of his mouth. The hand he had on Jaejoong's leg was sliding up and down the smooth flesh with a desperation born from a, uh, desperate man.

Jaejoong was really worried now. "What's wrong? Are you alright? Are you sick? Have the Choreography-hyung finally decided to smack your head against a wall for being so anal over the moves and gave you a concussion????"

"Y-you," Yunho repeated. "S-smooth. Leg. Skin. Smooth. Hair?"

Jaejoong blinked. After a few minutes of trying to interpret disjointed babbling, he finally understood when both of Yunho's hands came up and started to grope with abandon at the hairless flesh.

"Oh yeah, I read somewhere that shaving makes your hair grow out faster," Jaejoong said, looking just a little embarrassed. When he did the deed without thinking about it, he obviously wasn't remembering that his lover, whom he sleeps with at night, would notice. "But it didn't work so – ahh! Yunho, what are you doing?!"

"Soft," Yunho said, two hands sinking into the pillow at either side of Jaejoong's head. His knees rested just under Jaejoong's hips, forcing Jaejoong to open his now smooth legs wide and hiked up toward Yunho's waist.

"Wait, Yunho, what are you doing?" Jaejoong asked, both hands pushing up at Yunho's chest without success. "You said you didn't want to do it tonight," he added, something like shock trembling in his voice as Yunho dove down to lick as his collar bone, only to be pushed back by Jaejoong's restraining arms. "You said you were too tired!"

"Not any more, I'm not," Yunho growled, unhappy with being kept away from the wide expanse of pale smooth soft flesh in front of him. He abruptly rose up and captured both of Jaejoong's wrists, pushing them to rest above Jaejoong's head and out of the way of Yunho's desperate need for exploration.

That was when he saw it. Jaejoong's armpits were completely clear and hairless, pale and smooth and soft, and oh my god.

Yunho's pupils dilated. His breathing deepened, something that sounded like pants escaping without restraint. Jaejoong squirmed under Yunho's heavier build, unaware of the danger he was in.

"Oh," Yunho breathed, "God."

And then Yunho descended, and the only protests that managed to get out of Jaejoong's mouth after that were whimpers, moans, groans, and various other sexy noises that drove Yunho (and the rest of us) wild.

That night, Jaejoong learned about a few new erroneous zones on his body that he was not aware of before, and vowed that, if shaving himself caused the kind of sex he got that night, he would keep himself smooth for the rest of his life.

:D


~*~


Kim Junsu has a problem. It wasn't a typical guy problem – it's more like a girl problem, except not. Did that make any sense? Well in any case, Kim Junsu has a big, big problem, big enough that he thought it might be affecting his sex life with his one and only, Park Yoochun.

See, Kim Junsu was born with very little body hair. Like Jaejoong-hyung, Junsu seemed to one of those people whom girls envy because not only does he have a slim waist and a full ass, but he also could not seem to grow any hair even if his life depends on it. That includes his hair hair, the hair on top of his head. Why else did you think he had kept that short spiky hairdo for so long for?

Unlike Jaejoong-hyung, who mainly wanted more armpit hair to look manly, Junsu's problem was more personal. See, Junsu and Yoochun has been dating for a while now, maybe a month or two after Jaejoong-hyung and Yunho-hyung got together. As he got used to the life of living with his friend and house mate with intentions of more than friendship, he realized something utterly important that he never thought about before.

Park Yoochun was gay. Being gay means one is attracted to the same gender. In other words, Yoochun likes other men. But men != (that reads "does not equal to") girly men who are as smooth as girls and does not act very manly.

Suddenly Kim Junsu began to worry. What if Yoochun stopped liking him because he was not man enough????? I mean, Yoochun's gay, and there's a reason he's attracted to men instead of women right? Surely he 'd rather have a man's coarse hair scratching at him when doing it than girly hairless skin.

Thus began Junsu's worrying, which got so bad that even Yoochun realized something was being weird. And it had nothing to do with Junsu refusing to do it with him. Honest. Yoochun was not sexually frustrated!

One day Junsu was walking past the bathroom when the door suddenly opened, letting out a burst of steam. Out stepped Jaejoong-hyung with his hair wet and face flushed. Then Junsu, being very much sensitive to anything hair related, body or not, immediately realized that Jaejoong-hyung's body hair was no where to be found. When he asked, Jaejoong-hyung absently admitted that it was a tip from the Internet, and it was supposed to make the hair grow faster and thicker.

At which point Junsu immediately darted into the still steamed up bathroom to prepare for a shower, preferably one that involves a razor somewhere.

Unlike Jaejoong-hyung who was not willing to put the razor anywhere near his nether regions, Junsu had no such qualms. The way he figured, he already don't have body hair anywhere anyway, so if he was going to shave, he might as well do it all. The head hair was a no go, because he didn't want to be killed by Manager-hyung and Stylist-noona just yet, so then the only other choice was the hair from down there.

And so away it all went on their merry way down the drain.

After that, Junsu waited a few more days, hoping to see hair growing on his body, but he was disappointed, and a little horrified, to realize that nothing was growing. As usual. In other words, he just completely shaved his entire body, including the naughty bits, and they might not grow back, if his track record for the past twenty years of his life was of any good indication.

Aww, F#$%^&^%$%, was his initial thought.

As good as he was at keeping Yoochun at arm length, however, Yoochun did not have such great patience. And he was slightly larger than Junsu. Taller too. More muscles. Actually most people he knew were beefier than Junsu in some way, including Jaejoong-hyung who was the Umma of the group. So yes, basically one day Yoochun lost all his patience and jumped his adorable yet totally evil boyfriend for not letting Yoochun touch him for the past month.

Month!

Completely unforgivable. So Yoochun ambushed Junsu on the way to the bathroom and trussed him up nicely to their shared bed (which had not been "used" for an entire month. It was starting to feel lonely!). Yoochun planned on a long night of teasing. And teasing. And teasing. And he was totally not letting Junsu find release until wee hours of the morning, so that Junsu would never dare to deny him for this long again.

At this point, of course, Junsu was starting to become scared.

What if Yoochun finds out??? No scratch that, what will happen when he finds out, because there's no way he wouldn't, not when Junsu knew exactly what his sexy boyfriend wanted. There was only one thing Junsu knew that could stop Yoochun when he wanted something so badly.

Junsu began to bawl.

"Yoochun, I'm so sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," he wailed, arms tied up above to the headboard of the bed, legs trapped immobile under the pelvis of his boyfriend. Despite his fears of what would happen when Yoochun finds out about what he did, Junsu couldn't help but also become excited. Hey, he was twenty years old and haven't had sex for a month. And he got a really sexy specimen of the male species on top of him. What else could he do? Duh.

Yoochun froze, hands stopping only centimeters from the hot skin that he had been dreaming about for a good three weeks and six days. When Junsu really started to cry, Yoochun jerked himself out of the shock at being the one to cause his sweet and adorable dolphin to shed tears, untied Junsu's arms, and quickly gathered the smaller man into his arms.

"Shhh," Yoochun murmured soothingly, even as Lil' Micky did its own wailing inside his too-tight briefs. "Shhh, it's alright, it's alright, I'm not going to hurt you," he said. "Come on Junsu-baby, don't cry, I promise never to do that again."

Junsu slowly calmed down, sniffling and wiping his face onto Yoochun's shirt. Laundry tomorrow, definitely, Yoochun decided.

"What's wrong, Junsu? Talk to me."

Junsu tensed. He really didn't want to tell his boyfriend, but what else could he do? It wasn't likely that he could hide his lack of body hair away from the other man forever, not when he himself was becoming so desperate for a touch.

The best that could happen was that Yoochun forgives him, and wouldn't break up with him.

The worst that could happen was that Kim Junsu will never get to exercise his Lil Xiah for the rest of his life (unless he gets over Yoochun, which he doubt very much).

Life sucks, he thought glumly.

"Yoochun," he began hesitantly, "um, I did something, and uh, it might not be reversible."

Yoochun blinked down at him without comprehension.

Junsu winced. He decided to get it over quickly and face the lonely music. "You're gay and you like men, but I don't think I'm manly enough for you to like, so I wanted to grow more body hair, like real men you know, so Jaejoong-hyung said if I shave then the hair will grow faster, so I uh, shaved my whole body, but it's not growing baaaaack!" he finished in a rush that changed to a wail at the last second.

Yoochun blinked some more. What Junsu said was a completely jumbled mess, and he had to spend a few minutes to repeat the words a few times so that they would make sense. Finally, something like comprehension lit up in his eyes.

"Junsu," he said slowly, and the smaller man winced again, hiding his face into Yoochun's shirt. "Did you just say you shaved your entire body?"

A pause, then a jerky nod.

"And you did this because you wanted to grow more hair."

Another nod.

"And you wanted to grow more hair because you wanted to be more manly."

Junsu trembled, and Yoochun took the tremble to be an affirmative.

"And you wanted to be more manly because you thought I only like manly man?????"

Junsu sniffled, wondering at why Yoochun sounded so incredulous. I mean, come on. Isn't that the definition of being gay? If you're gay, you're attracted to others of your own gender, in this case other men. Why would you be gay if you like your man slim and hairless like a girl? It's common sense!

"Junsu!" Yoochun finally said again when the smaller man didn't react. "Did you really think I wouldn't love you any more because you don't have any body hair?"

Slowly, Junsu pulled away from the firm chest in front of him, and looked up through his eyelashes. "But, but Jaejoong-hyung thought so too. He wanted more body hair to be more manly for Yunho-hyung. And it must've worked for him," he added glumly.

Yoochun grimaced. "I couldn't fall asleep the past few nights because of the howling from next door."

Junsu sniffled, feeling tears well up again. "See! You agree with me! You think having body hair is better too!" T___T

Yoochun huffed out a breath, rolling his eyes fondly down at the soft fluffy brown hair. "I agree to no such thing," he said, pulling the smaller man closer. "And let me tell you, it's not because Jaejoong-hyung gained more body hair that they're going at it like rabbits."

Junsu looked up, just a little confused, but at the same time he was a little pacified. It didn't sound like Yoochun was about to dump him.

"So..." Yoochun cleared his throat, trying to sound nonchalant. "What did you shave off anyway."

Junsu whispered.

"What?"
A slightly louder whisper. Junsu was as red as a tomato.

Yoochun thought he heard what the smaller man said, but he wanted to be sure, because if Junsu really shaved off what he said he did, then oh my god, Yoochun's birthday had just arrived.

"I...I shaved off...my..." Junsu mummled the last few words directly into Yoochun's left ear, causing the bigger man to shiver at the sensation of hot breath and lips on such a sensitive part of him.

Oh god, Yoochun whimpered to himself. He swallowed thickly. "Can- can you show me?"

Junsu looked embarrassed for a moment but he nodded, figuring he should do at least that much for Yoochun who apparently seemed to have forgiven him for doing something so bad. As Junsu wiggled out of his sweatpants and boxers, he desperately hoped that his boyfriend would not get too turned off and decide that he did want to dump him after all.

Then Junsu's boxers were on the ground, and Hallelujah!

Both Christmas and Birthday came early for Yoochun this year. He must've been a very, very good boy to get such a great present.

"Yoochun?" Junsu called out when his boyfriend stopped moving for a good five minutes, eyes staring down at the secret area of the smaller man.

Finally, Yoochun's head slowly moved up until his wide eyes were staring straight into Junsu's. Kim Junsu blinked. Park Yoochun pounced.

The rest of the night was spent proving to Junsu just how much he was not turned off. The next night he spent the entire time proving to Junsu that Jaejoong-hyung and Yunho-hyung were not screwing like bunnies because Jaejoong-hyung somehow grew more body hair. The night after that was spent proving to Junsu how much Yoochun appreciates soft and smooth skin. The night beyond that was spent proving how much he loves Junsu's full butt. And the night after that...


~*~

Shim Changmin used to think he was abnormal. What kind of fifteen year old kid has more body hair than a thirty year old adult man?

It wasn't until he became a part of Dong Bang Shin Ki that he realized the role he was supposed to play. After all, he has two hyungs who seemed to be unable to grow any body hair. Therefore, Changmin decided fairly early on in their careers, that he would grow enough for all three of them.


The End. :D

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76 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
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shingoon310 From: shingoon310 Date: September 5th, 2007 09:01 am (UTC) (Link)
heheh hopefully 1st
OMG, that "hair body" issue cracks me up. Totally understand why JH and YS going at it like bunnies, becoz hairless! JAESU are such turn-ons. I love the CM's part. Really witty^^.P.S: Im a big fan of "A Man Who's Not There". *wave banner*
redmist_23 From: redmist_23 Date: September 5th, 2007 09:04 am (UTC) (Link)
Very funny, Good job. Loved it.

Changmin's part was the funniest. (Grow enough hair for the three of them) LOL.
erinastrid From: erinastrid Date: September 5th, 2007 09:17 am (UTC) (Link)
yey for min and his ample..?O.obodyhair! *airpunch*

XDDDDDD *lmao*

gotta love the yunjae and yoosu.
a new fetish, i see.XD
couldn't wait for the junsu-tank-top-that-makes-you-think-he-got-moobs fic you are planning to write.^^v now wouldn't that be just classic...XD
~♥
handut From: handut Date: September 5th, 2007 09:26 am (UTC) (Link)
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
OMG
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
XD
i haven't had a real good laugh like this for a while
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
i thought jae was funny
but junsu
OMG JUNSU AND CHUN WERE SO HILARIOUS!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Then Junsu's boxers were on the ground, and Hallelujah!

Both Christmas and Birthday came early for Yoochun this year.

XD
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
omg
that's so freakin' funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm cracking up even now
HAHAHAHAHAH
XD
i'm laughing so much i'm tearing up! HAHAHAHAHAH XD
this is definitely one of the best oneshots i've read <3333333333

HAHAHAHAH
and the ending was great too!! changmin growing hair for all 3 of them
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH XD

i love your writing
it's a decent sort of crack, you know what i mean? =D
thanks so much for writing <33
From: erinej Date: September 5th, 2007 09:44 am (UTC) (Link)
woa, it's just too cute man!!!! ^ ^
U catch my heart ^ ^
didikoishi From: didikoishi Date: September 5th, 2007 09:54 am (UTC) (Link)

LOL! I liked a lot this funny fic! ^-^

Actually both straigh and gay men shave or wax their body hair. In particular the ones who got a muscular and well defined body.
Jaejoong and Junsu are beautiful and having a perfect smooth skin makes them only sexier. *smirks* Thus their lovers can only appreciate and enjoy more their intimate encounters!!!
kai_yukashi From: kai_yukashi Date: September 6th, 2007 12:12 am (UTC) (Link)
aah, good point, i forgot about body builders. ^^;;; but, well, these are asian men, so I'm gonna assume most asian men aren't the body builder type. or something. Gah, i'm allowed some plot holes when it's a crack fic! XD
From: yume_no_ato Date: September 5th, 2007 09:56 am (UTC) (Link)
That was so funny and adorable! And Changmin's part just wraps up the story perfectly!
fxckinmyway From: fxckinmyway Date: September 5th, 2007 10:07 am (UTC) (Link)
OMGAH I SO CRACKED UP AT THE JAEHO SCENE. XDDDDDD
holy crap, that was so full of win! XD

I usually don't read crack fics but AH this PWNS! XD
jaeho_ichiban From: jaeho_ichiban Date: September 5th, 2007 10:15 am (UTC) (Link)
sklaskjfalsjkfbalskfna

good lord. that was for the win. so definitely for the win. i was laughing my way through the fic. xD that was great. and really clears up changmin's body hair issue, or at least in my fangirl mind. 8D
newradgirl From: newradgirl Date: September 5th, 2007 10:15 am (UTC) (Link)
body hair....hahhhaa...omg i really enjoyed this fic. i haven't read one in months so this was a surprise. it was funny from start to finish. hats off to anyone who can make body hair sound fun and sexy.

*adds to memories*
tumi18 From: tumi18 Date: September 5th, 2007 10:18 am (UTC) (Link)
OMG!!
HAHHAHAHAH!!!
OMO!
I LOVE THIS!!
JAESU! *glomps*
such cuties!
and lucky YunChun
got to have their bday / xmas presents early! *wink wink*
hahah!
<33
this totally made my day..
7x18 From: 7x18 Date: September 5th, 2007 10:22 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh. My. God.

*falls off chair laughing*

Gawd, I haven't njoyed a fic like this in a very long time. Man, thank you so much for this. You just made my life a little brighter after all that idiotic midterm exams I had to go through today...

Damn, this has got to be one of the most embarrassing yet fascinating topic to discuss on the boys. I could never figure out how Jaejoong and Junsu could be so freakishly hairless (*wails at how unfair the world is... cough*). Regardless, we love all of them... I'm sure Yunho and Yoochun are loving it too *cackles*

Nice wrap-up with Changmin.

Thanks for posting this

faricsyung From: faricsyung Date: September 5th, 2007 10:52 am (UTC) (Link)
ahahahaha.. omg, so much crack. i love it a lot. <333
yay for the ending. changmin's the 'old', wise magnae. xD
azurehook From: azurehook Date: September 5th, 2007 11:55 am (UTC) (Link)
omg, this is GREAT. totally ROFLMAO :DDDD

and the ending is awesome too.

ahhhh so good, so good!!
susiegrl From: susiegrl Date: September 5th, 2007 12:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
omg that was so funny!~
jaejoong and junsu are so funny
poor junsu... he was stressing for no reason

i love how you put the part about changmin ^^ so funny!
76 comments or Leave a comment
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